Daylight robbery

You know how it is when you go shopping at a bookstore right? You buy and you buy and you still can’t get enough. So when I got tired of scanning row after row, shelf after shelf and bagged books and DVDs that could last me saat janams, I pulled myself to the billing counter, dragging the book sacks with me. And these fancy-shmancy evil retailers have your psyche perfectly figured out. So they stack all the mags on the planet strategically, seducing you persistently as you wait and wait in the billing queue. As the aunties fight for half an hour to get an exchange for the “cinderalla wali book” instead of the “ugly ducking wali book”, you stand in the queue, twiddling your thumbs, resisting the urge to splurge. You KNOW you’re going to regret it if you indulge.

And I being the ideal customer every retailer dreams of, obliged and bagged not one, not two, but five magazines! And and the best part is that ALL of them are just so absolutely useless that I just want to sue them or something. Take this one for example. To start with, its called “Better Homes & Gardens”. Yes, if the earth opened up just now, I would just like to die of shame. But that’s only when I think about it now. That moment, I thought that all stylish women seem to read the cosmos and the better homes, basically anything that’s glossy and international. Have you ever seen any manicured babe with perfect makeup on, read an Outlook or Week on the airport? No, right. So I bought the magazine, (which by the way, costs a cool one hundred rupees) hoping it would improve my non-existent skills to keep the home clean and tidy at least, if not making it look good. And boy just how wrong was I!! Under the “living and entertaining” section, there was one Ms. Feroze Gujral giving tips about “how to be a party veteran”. She gives a “festive menu”, some items from which, are as follows:

Tamarind dal
Haldi potatoes with mustard seeds
Dahi with seasoning
Kachumber salad

Unless I am reading something wrong here, she served sambar (or rasam), aloo ki subzi, raita and kachumber for the party. Isn’t that what most of us have everyday for lunch? I paid a 100 bucks for someone to rename the items from my everyday lunch to something with a long name, throw it back at me and make it sound like some kind of advice. Gah!!!

Coming up next was a “10 must try dhokla delights”, which basically consisted of 10 dhoklas with different toppings, and I think it was inspired from those toppings they showed in Krackjack adverts. One topping (which they call “delight”) was called “Stir fried chinese greens, peanuts”. Which had exactly two 5mm pieces of spring onion and one peanut halved into two, sitting pretty on a dhokla. Show me one living being in this universe, dogs and cats included, who will be interested in eating or making or even thinking of such a “delight”.

And finally, the one that takes the cake is a one page “recipe” of “grilled tangy corn”. Guess what they were talking about. The good old bhutta. The one you get on the roadside for 10 rupees. But calling it that would be too down market you see. Like Manisha is too desi a name. Talk about Monisha and you’re talking class. Like how the colours pink and purple are cheap, but call it mauve and it becomes stylish.

If this is not daylight robbery, tell me what is? Every time I see that magazine, those 100 rupees come and pinch me. Some take it away please. I’ll pay you the auto fare.